Funny Witty Quotes: 2014

Facebook is like clothing

Facebook is like clothing. You can dress yourself up any way you want and come out looking like a million bucks. But if the people looking at the profile could see what's in the inbox and synced pictures, they'll understand that the outside and the inside don't always match. The book is more than the cover.

Sometimes you just got to say oh well

Sometimes you just got to say oh well... When words just don't seem to really express what you really think.

Some people just don't want to understand you

Some people just don't want to understand you so they take everything you say way to personal. Like come on Sony question my integrity, if you know me like you say you do, or care learn how to just be there. Not everything will come out at the same damn time people need to process their emotions especially men, it's not that easy all the time.

Your whole social media network activity

Your whole social media network activity describes you for who you are! Be careful with what you post, upload, like and share. Don’t go giving the wrong idea to people.

People will show you their Facebook status

People will show you their Facebook status, but do not be fooled, look at their character, it will speak volumes.

I am friends with 98% of my ex's

I am friends with 98% of my ex's. Most relationships ended on a good note, and some of those that didn't we ended up forgiving each other later in life and still stay in touch. I am currently married and I can tell that when I talk to certain ex's (the more serious ones) that he gets a little jealous, but I just assure him that they are ex's for a reason. We have not had issues over any of it.

Each season of American Horror Story starts

Each season of American Horror Story starts off strong, and then declines throughout the middle of the season, and by the end you're just like: "What in the heck did I just watch? I don't know how I feel about this. It is nothing like how it started".

I’m from the New York where the girls think

I’m from the New York where the girls think they are from the Hollywood and the Niggas think they're from the Chicago.

Because men and women are equal

Because men and women are equal so, to say that women should remain quiet in a man's presence is ridiculous.

It’s Hilarious when a girl posts loyalty quotes

It’s Hilarious when a girl posts loyalty quotes, relationship quotes, and Love quotes on Facebook status when they don’t even do any of those things themselves.

I don't know why you girls start shouting

I don't know why you girls start shouting out and run away when you see a rat, cockroach or spider. They are just going to jump in your mouth when you are sleeping anyways.

When you don't know - ASK!

When you don't know - ASK! Women ask for direction and answers all the time. Men will just continue to be wrong, but proud.

Day one of no smoking

Day one of no smoking, let’s see how this goes. It will be amazing if I don’t kill someone.

People that think they know me

People that think they know me may be quick to give a list of what they feel are the saddest moments of my life. Let me tell you right now, Facebook, and my deepest and darkest secret. The saddest moment in my life happened at 11:34 pm when I poured myself some cereal and then added some milk; after taking the first bite I found out that the milk was spoiled. My life has never been the same since.

I think I'm going to hold myself hostage

I think I'm going to hold myself hostage one day and ask ransom for like a million dollars.

You ever wish you were like 3 again

You ever wish you were like 3 again so you could truly say what you think and people just call it innocence.

When a jeep load of girls

When a jeep load of girls drives by the bus waving and screaming at you....I love my life.

I wish life was like an episode of Looney Tunes

I wish life was like an episode of Looney Tunes.... So I could drop a boulder on somebody or blow them up with dynamite and it couldn't do nothing but hurt their pride.

Dear Facebook, please warn the people

Dear Facebook, please warn the people who keep sending me stupid requests to play stupid games on FB; I have zero interest in joining or playing them. Please STOP sending me requests or I will delete this fake-book from my notebook. That is all. Thank you

Don't be fooled that inbox is private

Don't be fooled that inbox is private and secure enough. They will report your message as spam or abuse and you will be blocked from sending messages. Enjoy Facebook with knowledge and responsibility.

Don't be lied by Facebook

Don't be lied by Facebook that "People you may know" if you don't know them, they will ignore your request and Facebook will ask them if they know you and when they say no you will be blocked from sending requests.

Don't be fooled by Facebook

Don't be fooled by Facebook that "what’s on your mind" and you start posting all the stupid stuff in your head. We will report you to Facebook and they will block you from posting.

Dear Facebook, It might be best

Dear Facebook, It might be best for both of our reputations if you altered the suggested friends I see to not be 90% unmarried women I am old enough to have fathered. Neither of us needs stalker problems.

Please read with awareness

Please read with awareness:

Our Facebook accounts are rental
Girls using Facebook are mental
Social networks situation is sentimental
All FB statuses are incremental
Only my status is gentle

Dear Karma, I don't want to be greedy

Dear Karma, I don't want to be greedy, but I would like to have a little return. I mean, I think I’m more good than bad, more sympathetic than cruel, more generous than stingy. Just something!

Social Media Rule #32

Social Media Rule #32: If you have to share it before you can see it, hear it or read it then it's probably crap and you're probably an idiot for falling for it.

The 3 things most women can agree

The 3 things most women can agree on are:

1. Scandal

2. Best Man Holiday

3. Not shutting up, ever

Before you judge me, please understand

Before you judge me, please understand why I do the things I do first. Every single thing I do is for a purpose. People quickly judge other people from what other people say. Not even knowing the overall purpose of their goals. Everyone do me do me a favor and stop criticizing and stereotyping me in a certain category. I am learning something new everyday to make my situation better and life better then yours.

Funny Witty Quotes